Random Musing #002

I like the rain.

It's the weather like today that makes me want to BE with someone in every sense of the word.

I cast my gaze upwards (just above the street lamps level and the power cables level) and let my mind roam
I let my heart be free, let it expand to contain and visualize my dreams..

I like bridges.
A weather like today's looking at the skies cruising on the bridge transports me to a time or that of an alter ago, where I, absent-mindedly looking at the rains fall, have my lover come to me and wrap his arm around my waist and draw me against him... possessively.

I like the quiet after a storm.
That moment of silence where everything seems right with the world,
PERFECT. 

The stillness.

In that moment I hold my breath, willing the moment to never end, willing that I could forever stay in his arms....

And suddenly I realize some parts of this are from a scene in a book. 

Or what I felt like while reading a book.. 

Or was it...?

Hmm..

Random Musing #001

[Intro]

Brace yourself.... This is gonna be a long one.

So, I'm at my desk at work not sitting on a chair but on my 'chest of drawers' (?) because the only available chair is one with a wack back. I don't think I'm sulking but that's probably arguable.

Meh.

Okay. Let me be honest. That's not what led to this post.

For the sake of consistency, I should apologize for not posting anything on the past 2 to 3 months. Um.... I wouldn't give excuses. :x

Now that all the formality is out of the way... (well, I hope it is...) Let's get back to it shall we?

I was checking my email, looking through old mails in different tabs (if you have your Gmail set up that way), spent a lot of time in the Promotions tab... - Not sharing why, thanks. :p - and I saw this digest from Quora in the Socials tab. The first post in the digest caught my eye actually.

It went this way

What are some consequences of staying lonely for too long?

The question caught my eye because I felt it applied to me in some way. Not i'm not a recluse lol. 

And NO, I'm not lonely. 

This was the response, I'll paste it here as well (stating clearly that it was from Ashley Djohan on Quora) 

"I have a close relative who has lived alone all his life. After graduating college, he moved out and never lived with another human being since.
One trait I saw that he developed was that he constantly had to fill in the silence. I am deducing that due to the fact that because he lives alone, it is quite silent on an everyday basis so he constantly adds comments out loud as a habit. 
So, for example, he would be reading a news article on his smartphone and he would add comments as he read through, such as "oh he's crazy" or "hmm interesting..".

A more "serious" consequence would be that he views human relationships to be very mundane and of little value. So, if he was upset with a friend or acquaintance he would have no problem cutting off the relationship entirely. Why? Well, this is because he feels he has lived his life being self-sufficient and feels that he doesn't need anyone else to support him emotionally."

Now, the first paragraph, I think people who are not lonely do it. But hey, there're people who subscribe to a school of thought that Nigerians are depressed despite the happy faces and all...something like that(....or was it crazy instead of depressed?), why not toss in lonely as well? Anyway, I don't think that's strange.

Second paragraph is where the idea of this post came from. More specifically, this phrase "...if he was upset with a friend or acquaintance he would have no problem cutting off the relationship entirely."

That. Is. Totally. Something. I. Can. Do.

Now now, simmer down. This wouldn't be easy. But before we I go into explaining the specificity of how it applies to me, lets tweak the question a bit.

What are some consequences of staying single for too long?

See how the answer still seems logical if you tweak the question a bit?

I do not view human relationships as mundane or having little value, however I have been single a while...I would cut people off. And if I thought something WAS going to happen, it would hurt, yes. But if I feel that's the only option left, I would do it. 

As things have to be done in moderation with justice and prudence (yes please, let me sound like a crime fighting cartoon character), I would talk to one or two people, lay down the bare facts and hear what they have to say. When the reply is like, 'Girrrrrrrl, you put up with this douche?!'  lol. No one I know talks like that but the point is what I get responses along those lines, I have been known once to still try because of the dastardly 'what if' question(s).

So.......those are my thoughts. :)

Which of the two questions do you think you can answer?

Does the second paragraph apply to you? Would you cut people off *snaps fingers* just like that?

E

Confounding the Average Man

*Fade in*

A small dark room with a lone light bulb hanging in the center of a clustered small group...


Me:"Hello, My name is E and I'm a word-aholic*."


PRESENT DAY REAL LIFE....


I had a particularly interesting though tiresome conversation with my colleagues at work today.
It was enlightening too.

I have a thing for new words. Big words preferably.

New big words make me giggle.

They make me want to use them in everyday conversations to test my proficiency (can't remember the actual word I want to use here) in English Language.

Now their arguments were as follows (they used baser words so I'll try not to detract from what they said) : -

1) Using bigger words often can make you forget simpler words that can be used instead
2) You make your audience laugh (at you)
3) You would most probably not be able to explain some words you use.
4) You forget that some words which are basic to you are actually big words

Now, 1 and 3 are similar, I know. We actually put it to the test.

They asked me to define gibberish. 

Now, I know what gibberish means. You know how sometimes you know what you want to say but you don't know how to put it into words? Well, that's what happened to me. I couldn't for the life of me figure out a word to use to explain gibberish.

Guess what word I could have used (that they supplied me with)?

NONSENSE. NONSENSE!

Suffice it to say that I felt a bit silly.

Sooo, I have an assignment to watch a Wole Soyinka video/interview. I was informed that though he may use "big words" in written word. But in spoken word (lol, I hope that's a thing) he uses simple words.

*cues video and pauses for it to buffer..... Nigeria, after all*


Anyway, what are your thoughts?

Do you like using big words or do you hate people using it?

How does it make you feel when you see or learn new 'big words'?

Also, how many big words did you note that I used here? (I don't think I used that many, if any at all, but hey, I could be wrong.  Lol.


PS: This could actually be part of the reason I haven't put up a post in a while. I'll most probably write about the other reasons in the course of time.

* The word is Logophile. :-)

What do you do with distance?

Based on current happenings….

I have this…friend.

(To save me the stress of beating around the bush, this friend is a male. To save you the stress of looking for hints, there is no sexual drama involved here.)

Now that that’s established, let us move on.

I have known this person for about 7 going on 8 months. We worked together for that duration and we got close... We would talk (read chat) and joke well into the night, see the next day and joke and play till we closed.

Imagine how I felt when I started sensing attitudinal shifts and changes. There were some work issues that probably caused this but I was of the opinion that my not wanting to discuss SOME work things should really not affect our relationship.
(It’s the general school of thought that that’s wrong but put a let's bookmark in that)

The little shifts gradually grew to become a dark spot we both didn’t address. He attempted to discuss it (I just realized that in retrospect) but he said some things that were, in my opinion constructed to scare me and so I kept a resting bitch face during the entire discussion. I kept mute. At the point where I decided to talk, he closed up.

I was frustrated and frankly, uber pissed.

We spoke (read chatted) again briefly and I thought all was well. But it wasn’t.

Now we have a big chasm (and I’m in a don’t know-slash-not-sure-how-slash-don’t-know-if-I-want-to-be-the-one-to-fix-it kinda state.)

But back to the point, what do I do with this distance? I hate it. 

UPDATE:  A week later. I'm over it. He's trying to be friends again. -_-

UPDATE of UPDATE: I needed his help. -_-

The End.

P.S: This post went a different way than the actual plan.

The question: What do you do when distance develops with someone you were once close to?

PERSONAL: One or More..?

A couple of days back, I asked a question.

The answers I got were….not encouraging, to say the least.

After finding out someone I had liked for a total of two years (off and on but yes, you read that right, two years) said he had liked me too.

It took a few hours but I started venturing down the rabbit hole...

What if he was just playing to the one-man gallery (me)?

And more importantly, had he liked other people in that period?

(I had seen his twitter page once or twice)

Let’s follow the path of ‘IF I wanted something to happen…’

Now, after this, I thought “OK, what now?”

A girl doesn’t say “Ok. So you like me and I like you, let’s see where it goes” (as I write this my mind throws exceptions because that’s not the way things normally go or the way they SHOULD go. There should be a goal in mind.)

You see, if you’ve liked someone for an obscenely long period of time, like, say two years, you’d expect that after you both have come out about that stuff, you go headfirst into the ‘whirlwind romance’. Depending on your inclinations that could mean a variety of things.

However, in the pot of beans I was in, we had a major challenge.

Who the flip is this person I like?

We had not spent long periods of time together to know the important things (stalking to get those details don’t count).

I know you’d say that that’s not actual ‘liking’ but what is it then? Infatuation? Lust? The answer would be No and No because for those emotions to be felt, there’d also have to be periods of time spent with each other. No?

Oh, what a fantastic pot of beans life. -_-

Now, my three questions, after the initial emo talk and baring of feelings;

What happens next?

Who makes the first move?

What is that move that should be made?

Truth of it all

Cutting onions has always been a great fanfare for me. The people (female AND male) that can cut onions in less than five minutes over a boiling pot of stew are just...amazing.

Anytime I have a light-bulb-finger-snapping-aha-moment kind of idea I belabor with getting the chopping board, searching for the perfect knife to do the cutting and then proceeding to peel the outer onion layer taking it to the bin first before cutting the what’s left of the bulb into relatively equal pieces (not always but sometimes). That’s essentially what’s happening with this blog.

I had a bright idea. Well, a couple actually but now it’s all a jumbled mess in my mind.

Sometimes, I think I can write. I think I can hold a person’s attention. But it has got to be personal stuff. Things I’m passionate about. Things about me. Things I’m very interested in. They dwindle a little bit more every two weeks (maybe). 

For the complete pieces I have written and shown to some people, they have gone through the emotions I want them to go through or experience. But I don’t finish some posts because I try to bejewel it. Make it more dramatic (works out sometimes). Make it longer (never worked). Make it more fluent (works out sometimes). Just make it MORE. I lose the essence of what I’m trying to write with all the jamboree in trying to make it MORE.

I’ve decided to stop. (For tonight at least)

I’m going to write straight from my heart (like this post). Write what seems right.

I’m going to be random (seeing as that’s one of my quirks).

I’m going to be personal.

And I’m going to be me.

Learning on the job has never been a crime. Evolving and changing as time goes on isn’t a sin.

So, I’m going to learn and evolve. J

The Little Things...

I think if we look closely enough there's so much beauty, so many breathtaking moments in the world around us.

Stop for a minute and look around you.
Look at the person sitting next to you...
Look at that lone bird cruising the thermos...
Look at the clouds gathering before the rain pours...
Look at that blade of grass swaying in the gentle breeze... 
Watch the sun set...
Enjoy the little things.
The little moments that steal your breath.
The little actions that make you giddy.
The little bits of time that time itself seems to stop...

...and you're transported out of that dreadful traffic.