Mortification

So it has been X number of years since the last post on here.

I have changed again and reading back, I want to archive almost all the posts.

Thank God for the ones I didn't publish. 

The ones I did? It's taking everything in me not to revert to draft with a QUICKNESS.

I still might. 

Let's see when next I come back here.

 

Alternate Identity

Date: 29 December 2023

Time: 12:16 AM

You know how some people have an online persona that's completely different from who they are in real life?

I'm thinking of setting up that kind of sich..

Why? 

Well, because since the last post I published and the last couple of posts I just reacquainted myself with, my life is shit.

Completely spun on its head with endless trash decisions.

Well one. One big fat one.

But I would not be disclosing here... We're considering building an online persona, remember?

Now I need to figure out if this blog can take this content or if I should switch over to another one. New everything...

I just want to be happy and well....satisfied. ;) 

I'm not.

I'm so not.

Date: 29 December 2023

Time: 12:19 am

~ E ~

Barring of the Heart 1 - A Poem

Fell in love with you
And got lax.
My flaws in full view.
You became an ex.

Friends become foes
In light of woes.
Mindless speech becomes
Life long sins.

Fallen and broken
Finally I see, through the veil of tears
Words past spoken
Shatters and shears.

Time check for composing February 14, 2020 11:47pm
Time check for posting February 15, 2020 12:44 am

PS: Barring of the Heart is not the poem title.

Perfumes

LACOSTE:

White lacoste  

Lacoste Pink Sparkle

Lacoste Noir  

Touch of Sun  

PACO RABANNE:

Lady Million

Black XS Woman 

Ultra Violet 

Invictus 

Lady Million My Gold 

Olympea

CLINIQUE:

Happy 

Aromatic

VERSACE:

Bright Crystal  

Versace Oud Oriental 

Crystal Noir 

DONNA KARAN:

DKNY Be Delicious  

Cashmere 

DAVIDOFF:

Echo 

Game 

Cool water woman  

AMOUAGE:

Honour 

Interlude Woman 

Ubar Amouage 

Opus 2

Opus 3

Sunshine Amouage  

Gold 

Opus 4  

Opus 5 Amouage 

BURBERRY:

My Burberry  

Burberries  

London Burberry  

Burberry Weekend  

RIHANNA:

Nude  

Reb'l Fleur  

YSL:

Black Opium  

Cinema  

Belle D'Opium  

Manifesto  

Others:

Jour d'Hermes  

Lady Gaga Fame

Jean Paul Gautier 

Mariah Carey Forever 

Montana Woman  

Cerruti 1881 

Guess Gold

Nicki Minaj Pink Friday 

Viktor & Rolf Flower Bomb 

Britney Spears Fantasy

Just Call Me Maxi  

Montana Woman

Jessica Simpson Fancy

Jimmy Choo for women

Fendi Fan di

Stella Mccarthy 

Michael Kors Gold 

Bvlgari Jasmine Noir 

Issey Miyake Woman

Portrait of a Lady

Guerlain Samsara

I am Juicy Couture 

Jennifer Lopez Live

Ferragamo Incense Suede 

Paris Hilton 

Sarah Jessica Parker Lovely 

Byredo 1996 Inez

Juilet has a gun

Vera Wang Princess 

Perry Ellis 

Tory Burch 

Sugar Ford 

Elizabeth Taylor White Diamond  

Valentina Oud Assoluto

Mancera Roses Vanille 

B. Balenciaga

Can't sleep

Time check 3:49am.
Date check: Monday February 19, 2018

No need to feel guilty for being infrequent. We do what we want here.

Anyway, I can't sleep. I think there's a tiny bug that takes teeny nibbles of me once I show some skin. That's probably a contributing factor. That's not the only thing that has been taking nibbles of me in recent time but...I digress.

Can't sleep, yes. I think I'm hungry. Nope. I know I'm hungry. Oh. I'm in Nigeria. And I'm wondering what living in a city where you can take a stroll and find a burger place is like. Yep. I have fatty in my head but not in my genes apparently. People think after I get a bun in the oven, I'll get mad thick or whatever. Again, I digress.

Are you seeing a trend here?

What else is new? I had this drink recently, it was called 'Ajose Motherfucker', spelling may be wrong, I wonder what was in it. It made me crazy ballsy. I'm not even kidding. Then again when I'm out with friends and there's alcohol, I'm a tad ballsy.

Oh yes, can't sleep. I think my mind is just generally busy. Can't catch a break. It's breaking every speed limit.

Time check: 3:59am.

My head is banging.

I'll give this sleep thing another shot.

CATCHUP: Failed!

Read my last post. L M A O.

No words.

Time check. It's 23:49 06/06/2017.

No special occasion. Was looking for apps to delete from my phone and I find Blogger. Lil ol' blogger. I wonder if Google has developers working on this solution. I doubt it. But then again, Google or Alphabet, shouldn't be running around in multiple directions, like...the company I work with.

So catchup. I'm not doing what I said I'd do in my last post. Sue me.

I will say one thing though... Or maybe not. It's all for the best.

I want a one woman guy. If he doesn't exist, then I'll just drive on to heaven happily.

Time check 23:54.

I think that was very mature of me. L O L.

Goodnight.

Let's play catch up

I've not been in the mood to write...see and this is a spur of the moment kind of decision right now.

As I write now, I have no idea of what I want to say. It's 3:51am. I initially thought it was GOING TO 3am. What a life.

2016 IS RUSHING AT THE POINT IT NEEDS TO SLOW ALLLLLLLLLL THE WAY DOWN. UGH!.

I've been trying to have or attend or be at turn ups (what part of speech is turn up!?) as often as possible but I'm home and I was home all day yesterday. Pfft. One day wasted.

Today might be litty though.

Which could segue into what I initially wanted to do a post about at some point.

2016 WAS MY YEAR OF JIDEs!!!!

Jeez Crest! It was like I couldn't catch a flipping break!!!

If I was meeting a guy who wasn't Igbo, you can flip a coin and no matter which way it went, hombre was introducing himself as Jide. I meannnn what did I everrr dooo?????

Peep this:
Picture not pasting... Check back...
Mine would have been Jides and all types of variations but I'm not that creative. Or a just couldn't stress myself. Plus I care about their feelings, yes I'm a big softie.

Despite lot of them were ass clowns, jerkbags, idiots or generally weird fellows!
(I don't need any living thing coming at me telling me trash straight from a waste disposal truck, the reason I get to call them these names is because I deserve to.)

I know there are some sweet Jides out there (Shout out to y'all but don't come near me with a ten foot pole. Thanks).

If I see any more, I'm probably running for the hills. Just remove my shoes and start running. No jokes.

I'd tell you about them all but I should probably save that for some other post (I plan on doing something about all the fellowwwwwwwwwwwws I met in 2016, if I don't have a seizure thinking about the stuuuuuuuuuupid shit!!!!!! I took from those dopamine and testosterone infused works of nature. Fingers crossed.)

It's 4:05am...and time!

Editing...4:09am

Editing over 4:29am, and I'm pissed Blogger is actually crap. Messed up everything I edited. Good thing I had a back up. Rme. Nasty stuff.

Goodnight. :)

Striking Gold

I stumbled across Fashion Toast sometime last week or upper week and immediately fell in love with the site and the Rumi Neely whose pictures are so tastefully scattered all over the site.

Have a look see...

The site does take a while for first time load especially if your internet connection crawls -like mine was today- but I found the content extremely refreshing.

My favorite thing on the site right now has to be liquid gold (pictured below)

Just take a minute to appreciate it. I'll wait. (you'll need to d that in full screen mode)

If you need extra help in appreciating it, there you go.

If you know or you've watched SATC, you know what this dress is. If you don't, see SATC Season 1 Episode 6.

I think the dress is gooooorgeous. And as the site is 'FOR GIRLS THAT GET IT'', I'm glad I do. Unless that means..... Lol. 

In related news, Kendall Jenner was pictured with the slip dress here. 

I'm definitely going to be refreshing this site DAILY and going through the archives, of course. 

Lest I forget, you can shop ZILLAH here. 

What's your take on the dress?

What's so great about "Closure"?

That torrid affair or that whirlwind romance all gone in a hot second.

You're left oddly bereft.

Like a single fern hanging there by itself.

Or a forgotten rope dangling off a cliff.

What's the point of a discussion to end what was once glorious?

What's the point of facing reality so harshly, so abruptly...

Then again, the abrupt thing WAS the end of the relationship, the affair, the situation-ship.

You habor the right to deal with it the way you want and screw what anyone else thinks.

What right does the person, who took away your 'happy', have to take away your just-because-I-can or just-because-I'm-hurt reason for doing reckless sheez?

Why does the person feel the need to make you think, to make you calm when all you want to do is yell and scream?

Is that not one thing you've always disliked, how they're always trying to control your reactions, control your views, Control YOU.

You're passionate.

A wild-at-heart.

A beating heart.

A free spirit.

You deserve the right to your closure.
Your own reckless.
Your own mad.

Random Musing #003

Hi!

Contrary to my header, I wasn't musing. I just thought I'd share this.

Read Kate Viana's answer to

What are some things a woman should know about men?

on Quora

What do you think?

I, for one, have an issue with the first one. Not like it's wrong or anything. But for me if I'm teling you what I want, then what's the point? It's not the same 'feels' when you get something you want without having to ask for it. It would be nice to get it but the feels kinda dims a bit.

Meh. Iono.

Random Musing #002

I like the rain.

It's the weather like today that makes me want to BE with someone in every sense of the word.

I cast my gaze upwards (just above the street lamps level and the power cables level) and let my mind roam
I let my heart be free, let it expand to contain and visualize my dreams..

I like bridges.
A weather like today's looking at the skies cruising on the bridge transports me to a time or that of an alter ago, where I, absent-mindedly looking at the rains fall, have my lover come to me and wrap his arm around my waist and draw me against him... possessively.

I like the quiet after a storm.
That moment of silence where everything seems right with the world,
PERFECT. 

The stillness.

In that moment I hold my breath, willing the moment to never end, willing that I could forever stay in his arms....

And suddenly I realize some parts of this are from a scene in a book. 

Or what I felt like while reading a book.. 

Or was it...?

Hmm..

Random Musing #001

[Intro]

Brace yourself.... This is gonna be a long one.

So, I'm at my desk at work not sitting on a chair but on my 'chest of drawers' (?) because the only available chair is one with a wack back. I don't think I'm sulking but that's probably arguable.

Meh.

Okay. Let me be honest. That's not what led to this post.

For the sake of consistency, I should apologize for not posting anything on the past 2 to 3 months. Um.... I wouldn't give excuses. :x

Now that all the formality is out of the way... (well, I hope it is...) Let's get back to it shall we?

I was checking my email, looking through old mails in different tabs (if you have your Gmail set up that way), spent a lot of time in the Promotions tab... - Not sharing why, thanks. :p - and I saw this digest from Quora in the Socials tab. The first post in the digest caught my eye actually.

It went this way

What are some consequences of staying lonely for too long?

The question caught my eye because I felt it applied to me in some way. Not i'm not a recluse lol. 

And NO, I'm not lonely. 

This was the response, I'll paste it here as well (stating clearly that it was from Ashley Djohan on Quora) 

"I have a close relative who has lived alone all his life. After graduating college, he moved out and never lived with another human being since.
One trait I saw that he developed was that he constantly had to fill in the silence. I am deducing that due to the fact that because he lives alone, it is quite silent on an everyday basis so he constantly adds comments out loud as a habit. 
So, for example, he would be reading a news article on his smartphone and he would add comments as he read through, such as "oh he's crazy" or "hmm interesting..".

A more "serious" consequence would be that he views human relationships to be very mundane and of little value. So, if he was upset with a friend or acquaintance he would have no problem cutting off the relationship entirely. Why? Well, this is because he feels he has lived his life being self-sufficient and feels that he doesn't need anyone else to support him emotionally."

Now, the first paragraph, I think people who are not lonely do it. But hey, there're people who subscribe to a school of thought that Nigerians are depressed despite the happy faces and all...something like that(....or was it crazy instead of depressed?), why not toss in lonely as well? Anyway, I don't think that's strange.

Second paragraph is where the idea of this post came from. More specifically, this phrase "...if he was upset with a friend or acquaintance he would have no problem cutting off the relationship entirely."

That. Is. Totally. Something. I. Can. Do.

Now now, simmer down. This wouldn't be easy. But before we I go into explaining the specificity of how it applies to me, lets tweak the question a bit.

What are some consequences of staying single for too long?

See how the answer still seems logical if you tweak the question a bit?

I do not view human relationships as mundane or having little value, however I have been single a while...I would cut people off. And if I thought something WAS going to happen, it would hurt, yes. But if I feel that's the only option left, I would do it. 

As things have to be done in moderation with justice and prudence (yes please, let me sound like a crime fighting cartoon character), I would talk to one or two people, lay down the bare facts and hear what they have to say. When the reply is like, 'Girrrrrrrl, you put up with this douche?!'  lol. No one I know talks like that but the point is what I get responses along those lines, I have been known once to still try because of the dastardly 'what if' question(s).

So.......those are my thoughts. :)

Which of the two questions do you think you can answer?

Does the second paragraph apply to you? Would you cut people off *snaps fingers* just like that?

E

Confounding the Average Man

*Fade in*

A small dark room with a lone light bulb hanging in the center of a clustered small group...


Me:"Hello, My name is E and I'm a word-aholic*."


PRESENT DAY REAL LIFE....


I had a particularly interesting though tiresome conversation with my colleagues at work today.
It was enlightening too.

I have a thing for new words. Big words preferably.

New big words make me giggle.

They make me want to use them in everyday conversations to test my proficiency (can't remember the actual word I want to use here) in English Language.

Now their arguments were as follows (they used baser words so I'll try not to detract from what they said) : -

1) Using bigger words often can make you forget simpler words that can be used instead
2) You make your audience laugh (at you)
3) You would most probably not be able to explain some words you use.
4) You forget that some words which are basic to you are actually big words

Now, 1 and 3 are similar, I know. We actually put it to the test.

They asked me to define gibberish. 

Now, I know what gibberish means. You know how sometimes you know what you want to say but you don't know how to put it into words? Well, that's what happened to me. I couldn't for the life of me figure out a word to use to explain gibberish.

Guess what word I could have used (that they supplied me with)?

NONSENSE. NONSENSE!

Suffice it to say that I felt a bit silly.

Sooo, I have an assignment to watch a Wole Soyinka video/interview. I was informed that though he may use "big words" in written word. But in spoken word (lol, I hope that's a thing) he uses simple words.

*cues video and pauses for it to buffer..... Nigeria, after all*


Anyway, what are your thoughts?

Do you like using big words or do you hate people using it?

How does it make you feel when you see or learn new 'big words'?

Also, how many big words did you note that I used here? (I don't think I used that many, if any at all, but hey, I could be wrong.  Lol.


PS: This could actually be part of the reason I haven't put up a post in a while. I'll most probably write about the other reasons in the course of time.

* The word is Logophile. :-)

What do you do with distance?

Based on current happenings….

I have this…friend.

(To save me the stress of beating around the bush, this friend is a male. To save you the stress of looking for hints, there is no sexual drama involved here.)

Now that that’s established, let us move on.

I have known this person for about 7 going on 8 months. We worked together for that duration and we got close... We would talk (read chat) and joke well into the night, see the next day and joke and play till we closed.

Imagine how I felt when I started sensing attitudinal shifts and changes. There were some work issues that probably caused this but I was of the opinion that my not wanting to discuss SOME work things should really not affect our relationship.
(It’s the general school of thought that that’s wrong but put a let's bookmark in that)

The little shifts gradually grew to become a dark spot we both didn’t address. He attempted to discuss it (I just realized that in retrospect) but he said some things that were, in my opinion constructed to scare me and so I kept a resting bitch face during the entire discussion. I kept mute. At the point where I decided to talk, he closed up.

I was frustrated and frankly, uber pissed.

We spoke (read chatted) again briefly and I thought all was well. But it wasn’t.

Now we have a big chasm (and I’m in a don’t know-slash-not-sure-how-slash-don’t-know-if-I-want-to-be-the-one-to-fix-it kinda state.)

But back to the point, what do I do with this distance? I hate it. 

UPDATE:  A week later. I'm over it. He's trying to be friends again. -_-

UPDATE of UPDATE: I needed his help. -_-

The End.

P.S: This post went a different way than the actual plan.

The question: What do you do when distance develops with someone you were once close to?

PERSONAL: One or More..?

A couple of days back, I asked a question.

The answers I got were….not encouraging, to say the least.

After finding out someone I had liked for a total of two years (off and on but yes, you read that right, two years) said he had liked me too.

It took a few hours but I started venturing down the rabbit hole...

What if he was just playing to the one-man gallery (me)?

And more importantly, had he liked other people in that period?

(I had seen his twitter page once or twice)

Let’s follow the path of ‘IF I wanted something to happen…’

Now, after this, I thought “OK, what now?”

A girl doesn’t say “Ok. So you like me and I like you, let’s see where it goes” (as I write this my mind throws exceptions because that’s not the way things normally go or the way they SHOULD go. There should be a goal in mind.)

You see, if you’ve liked someone for an obscenely long period of time, like, say two years, you’d expect that after you both have come out about that stuff, you go headfirst into the ‘whirlwind romance’. Depending on your inclinations that could mean a variety of things.

However, in the pot of beans I was in, we had a major challenge.

Who the flip is this person I like?

We had not spent long periods of time together to know the important things (stalking to get those details don’t count).

I know you’d say that that’s not actual ‘liking’ but what is it then? Infatuation? Lust? The answer would be No and No because for those emotions to be felt, there’d also have to be periods of time spent with each other. No?

Oh, what a fantastic pot of beans life. -_-

Now, my three questions, after the initial emo talk and baring of feelings;

What happens next?

Who makes the first move?

What is that move that should be made?

Truth of it all

Cutting onions has always been a great fanfare for me. The people (female AND male) that can cut onions in less than five minutes over a boiling pot of stew are just...amazing.

Anytime I have a light-bulb-finger-snapping-aha-moment kind of idea I belabor with getting the chopping board, searching for the perfect knife to do the cutting and then proceeding to peel the outer onion layer taking it to the bin first before cutting the what’s left of the bulb into relatively equal pieces (not always but sometimes). That’s essentially what’s happening with this blog.

I had a bright idea. Well, a couple actually but now it’s all a jumbled mess in my mind.

Sometimes, I think I can write. I think I can hold a person’s attention. But it has got to be personal stuff. Things I’m passionate about. Things about me. Things I’m very interested in. They dwindle a little bit more every two weeks (maybe). 

For the complete pieces I have written and shown to some people, they have gone through the emotions I want them to go through or experience. But I don’t finish some posts because I try to bejewel it. Make it more dramatic (works out sometimes). Make it longer (never worked). Make it more fluent (works out sometimes). Just make it MORE. I lose the essence of what I’m trying to write with all the jamboree in trying to make it MORE.

I’ve decided to stop. (For tonight at least)

I’m going to write straight from my heart (like this post). Write what seems right.

I’m going to be random (seeing as that’s one of my quirks).

I’m going to be personal.

And I’m going to be me.

Learning on the job has never been a crime. Evolving and changing as time goes on isn’t a sin.

So, I’m going to learn and evolve. J

The Little Things...

I think if we look closely enough there's so much beauty, so many breathtaking moments in the world around us.

Stop for a minute and look around you.
Look at the person sitting next to you...
Look at that lone bird cruising the thermos...
Look at the clouds gathering before the rain pours...
Look at that blade of grass swaying in the gentle breeze... 
Watch the sun set...
Enjoy the little things.
The little moments that steal your breath.
The little actions that make you giddy.
The little bits of time that time itself seems to stop...

...and you're transported out of that dreadful traffic.